The Naked Truth

Being a father is hard work, but you never want for entertainment. Having children is like performing in a small private vaudeville show. Last night's main act must have been European, because it featured a lot of nudity.

Normally I watch Dipity and her mom go upstairs, and then I head into my office. After a little while they show up at the office door for good night kisses. I know that what goes on in-between involves the bath tub, but that's about it. Last night I had to venture upstairs into bath world in order to retrieve a sweatshirt from our bedroom. Just as I reached the safety gate at the top of the stairs I was met by a naked Dipity. Her mother has told me about Dipity's nightly streaking, but her description did no justice to the actual event, which included naked hugs and kisses between each of the bars of the safety gate. It was very sweet, but an un-diapered baby is like a drunk oil tanker captain. After the fourth pass I was wondering who would be stuck with the job of cleaning up a spill and rehabilitating any unfortunate stuffed animals. Since I was nervously watching Dipity, I wasn't paying much attention to my wife. I suppose I heard her say that the two of them would be showering together, and I may have even seen her taking off her shirt, but it was still a shock when two naked females were running up and down the hallway in front of me. It was a shock only for a second, because it was frickin' hilarious. Top hats and canes might have made it funnier, but barring that or the involvement of the cats, it couldn't have been much funnier. I was the only person in the house with any clothes on. Hell, throw the cats in and I was the only clothed mammal. It actually might have funnier if the cat was the only one with pants on, but nothing is as funny as it could be.

My wife is a pretty funny person. Until offered conclusive proof to the contrary, I will continue to believe that she is half woman and half Muppet. I have no doubt she could have made me laugh by running up and down the hallway naked without an eighteen month old. But everything is funnier when you throw in a toddler (as long as they're in a good mood). They are cute unsteady midgets who can't talk clearly and are much more amused by you, themselves, and everything else in the world than anyone who has ever been to preschool and beyond will ever be. And with her genes, well let's just say life is entertaining.