Wednesday, September 12, 2007

"Iowa, for good reason, for constitutional reasons, for reasons related to the Lord, should be the first caucus and primary." - Bill Richardson
Huh? God favors Iowa? If that's true, than I need to find a different religion. I actually think that Americans would be better off if there was no Iowa. New Hampshire would be the first primary, highlighting the silliness of the whole system. Now, when I say we should get rid of Iowa, I mean get rid of it. I'm not talking about breaking it up and giving a little piece to each of the neighboring states. For the geographically challenged, Iowa borders on Missouri, Illinois, Wisconsin, Minnesota, South Dakota, Nebraska, and Florida. I think we should cede Iowa to a foreign country. That way, ethanol would be an import regardless of how it was made, corn could go back to being food and feed, and I could afford a gallon of milk. Besides, the gifting of Iowa could be central to a more effective foreign policy. We could give it to Iraq as part of an apology for pushing their country into a bloody civil war. Maybe the Kurds could move there. We could give it to the Jews as the new promised land, and let the Palestinians have all of Israel along with their military. The Jews would have a fertile homeland, and the Arabs would have to pray very hard to Allah so that he could inflict the Palestinians with collective memory loss so that they wouldn't remember how the Arabs used to treat the Palestinians before they became a useful way of vilifying Israel. Maybe the Mexicans would want Iowa as a late repayment for Arizona, New Mexico, et al. For that matter, maybe the American Indians would want Iowa. Iowa could even be the winter home for migrant workers. I don't really care who gets Iowa, as long as we get rid of it. Maybe it's neighbor Florida could go too. Florida has already caused enough electoral problems, without Florida we could have a logical stance towards Cuba, and an America sans Florida would be a younger hipper America.

Later, I will deny meaning to say any of this. I really wanted to acknowledge the importance and individuality of particular states in a humorous way. Besides, as a stay at home dad, I'm always tired and thus shouldn't be held accountable for anything I say. In fact, whatever trouble I get into is the fault of the media for over-reporting. Yeah, it's the media's fault. And the other bloggers. It's their fault too, somehow. And, besides, God meant for me to have this blog.

For the record, Florida doesn't really border Iowa. The rest of the states I listed do actually border Iowa. For any other geography questions I will refer you to a map.

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