Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Dear Mr. Bryant:
I read yesterday that recently you purchased 15 bottles of Cristal at $14,000 a piece. You spent this $21,000 so that you could best Antonio “The Magician” Esfandiari in a competition over who could spend the most money on overpriced champagne. You won, so congratulations are in order. In addition to congratulations, I want to offer up some ways that you could spend even more money and emphasize your wealth and need to win in a way that would also highlight the power you have over the lives of others. Why don't you give me, I don't know, $60,000, (I am willing to itemize that). My wife and her brother went to Lower Marion at about the same time as you did, and what better way is there to showcase your wealth and competitive spirit than amongst high school classmates? You can show them who was the most successful in your class. If necessary, I could get my parents to give me $100. Then you could put in $1,000. My wife's parents could give us $2,000. Then you could give $20,000. My parents would give $30,000. And then you could give $60,000. My wife's parents would drop out of the bidding, but my parents would raise their offer to $65,000. You would then yawn and end the competition with a check for $167,000. In case you wondered $167,000 includes the money I we would have to repay to our parents (they offered the money, so we'd have to take it, but they've already been way too generous), and inflation. It's taken me a while to write this letter. Anyway, just drop a line with some contact information and I will send bank account information, or whatever you need to make the donation. And, Kobe, thanks in advance!

Peace out


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