a singer of songs

They always come out of my head and

To a spot somewhere directly in front of my face

A few words at a time

Each word appearing

A second or so

Before I have to sing it

Providing me a chance to

Give them each their due

To put them in their proper position in the world or

 At least that’s how I hope it goes but

It doesn’t always

Not even if I manage to clear my head of

Everything else

Even fantasies of playing point guard for the Detroit Pistons

As I did tonight

Tonight I was channeling Leonard Cohen and Jeff Buckley

I was shooting for perfection

I wanted every word in the right place and

Every note as close to where it needed to be as I could place it and

After one do over

I was doing it

I flubbed a little when she tied him to a chair and

Then

As I got ready to say “I’ve been here before”

I couldn’t remember being there before

I stopped and there wasn’t a sound

Until she broke in with “baby I’ve been here” and

I was there again

They were all there again

In front of my face but

Then I couldn’t see the flag on the marble arch either

Not until she showed it to me and

Then it was there again and

So now so was she

With a voice of her own

Six years in the making

So far

A voice

Reminding me that

The songs in my head

Aren’t just in my head and

Aren’t the only ones

Being sung

One

word

at

a

time

Right

in

front

of

my

face

Summer Necessities

I rise off the seat
Water rushing and swirling
Sweat on it and me

My Own Two Minutes

For almost two minutes

I’m alone

Showering

With

Michelle Williams

Dame Judy Dench

Stan Van Gundy and

An activist Supreme Court

The Justices disappear with the water but

Dame Judy helps me dry off and

Exits the bathroom with me

Before she too vanishes

Without having finished dispensing the sage advice

I just know she is full of and

Would gladly share with me

If she weren’t

So rudely and abruptly pushed aside by Curious George

Electric Spring

The long yellow cord

Wrapped up and around and in

The smell of the grass

Gardening at Easter

Is there an Easter Bunny

Of course there is

Who else but a bunny

Would be delivering candy and toys to you in your house and

Everyone else’s house

How does he carry everything

Well

Carefully

Magically

Quickly

I don’t really know

Why would I know

I mean all I know is that stuff arrives and

You should be happy to get it

Anyway keep digging

We have a garden to plant and

Before we plant it

We have to get this rabbit fence up

Just A Second

I’m coming

I just have to finish this thought

Then I promise I’ll

Scoop your litter

Wipe your ass

Check your homework

Let you out of the garage

Take you to school

Make your lunch

Open your granola bar

Kiss your boo boo

Reply to your text

Pretend to eat the plastic food you have brought me

Listen to the song about the snail and the chocolate cake

Accept your hug

Look you in the eye and

See you smile

If you become a crocus in a hidden garden ...

Keep planting things

That’s what I do

It’s all I do

If there is a space

Then I want to plant something there

If whatever I plant doesn’t take

For whatever reason

I plant something else

I don’t just plant

I water

I fertilize

I trim tree branches  

I Pull weeds

I watch and

I love every part

Although the planting is my favorite

I don’t use gloves

I want to be able to look at my nails afterwards and

Know that I’ve done the dirty work and

Done it right and

Know that something is growing where

Only a moment before

There was nothing

So that is why

Five plus years in

I am still plangting

Three's A Crowd

Daffodils are

Three for ten dollars

At the grocery store

So

When I go shopping today

With our son

I can buy granola bars and

Trail mix for him and

His sister and

I can buy daffodils

For you and

Two other people

Don't What?

You pretty much have to say it 

You are supposed to say it

And people are watching

Plus you mean it

So even though you know it won’t have the desired effect

Though you know exactly what he will do

And which smile he will give you

As he does it anyway

As he does it even more

And with considerable flair

You don’t really have a choice

You never really have a choice

You have to say it

You have to say

Don’t lick the wall

Don't Leave Daddy

Don’t leave daddy

Is what she says

Almost every night

When it is time for me to leave

When I have read the last book and

Sung the last song and

She has sipped the last sip of milk or

Water

She asks me not to leave

She asks me to stay and sleep up in her room

Sometimes she clutches my arm

In an almost serious attempt to get me to stay

Every time I try to insert a mental post it note

Marking that moment

So that later

I can come back to it and

Remember it and

Hear that little voice saying

Don’t leave daddy

Maintaining The Illusion

Out of the corner of my eye

It looks like a bracelet

Onyx

With sterling silver flowers and wiggles and

A sterling silver border

A cool and funky piece of jewelry

Shoved in my little odds and ends container

Along with random recipes

Empty index cards

The “solutions disk” for our new camera

A ruler

 And a book about the presidents written for children

Everytime I see it I wonder why it’s there and

Try to remember

What it really looks like

Until I do

Today it took about ten seconds and

I didn’t bother picking it up

Since I had nothing to cut and

Because

I kind of want to preserve the illusion for next time

Of turtles and quiet sharing

I praised the little green thing

Even rubbed his shell

But I still threw in a reminder for all of them

Stuffed and otherwise

That they were supposed to be sleeping

Or at least not sleeping quietly

The non-stuffed one groaned out an OK at this and

I understood why

I was even a little disappointed with myself

I mean

He had called me up

To say

That his stuffed turtle was sharing books with him and

I couldn’t allow myself

To just heap some praise on both of them and

Maybe say something nice about the little stuffed reindeer

With the magnetic nose

And disappear

No

I had to try to be parental

I tried to hide it

To slip it past in a flourish of fun and play

And blown kisses but

We all knew it was there

Even the turtle

Who has to be up there every night

With a pile of books

And a magnetic reindeer

And still has to share

Could see the praise for what it was

And I’m quite sure

He disapproved

The absence of accomplishment

Basketball
Hawaii 5-0
Mouthwash
Toothpaste
Light off
Night over
Completely satisfied
With all that
I didn't do

I hear the whispers

I hear whispers all the time

Not just when I am at home

At night

With the baby monitors on

I’m a man

A dad

I’m at home with the kids

All the time

I hear the whispers

All the time

Even if they’re not there

Of diapers and politics

My son woke up screaming from nap today

To be precise

He was screaming one word

Poop

Somehow between the tightness of the diaper and

The size of the poop

It was unable to come out

When I undid the diaper and

Lightly poked at the poop with a wipe

It came the rest of the way out 

He was left hoping that he could switch to underwear full time

Even while sleeping

I was left thinking about the state of politics in America and

Wondering who is going to loosen our diaper and

Poke at our shit

Eating Crow ... and Flossing Afterward

Just now I spotted my missing dental floss

Sitting on my desk

Way at the back

Next to the unopened package of mirror holders

That I was going to use to put up the mirror in our bedroom

The mirror that is now in the garage behind the closet doors

From my son’s room

That have been sitting there half primed for a week or two

Certainly longer than the floss has been sitting here

Where I left it

While I angrily tore apart the bathroom looking for where someone had hidden it

While I neglected flossing for three days

While I finally dug out more floss

Complaining all the time

While I sat down to write this poem and

Spied it

Just now I wrote a poem about my missing dental floss and

Now I’m going to go use it

No Reward

Today

Near the end of day two in underwear and

Peeing on the potty

My son turned to me and said

Daddy you should get M&Ms for using the potty too

I smiled and laughed but

Inside I agreed

I want a reward for things like

Tying my shoes

Counting to ten

Reading a whole book on my own

Eating my vegetables

Peeing in the potty but

Not M&Ms

I don’t like chocolate that much and

It’s no good for my acid reflux

What Passes For Success

It may sound strange but

Ten pairs of underwear in about two and a half hours and

The same number of shorts and pants and

A little red boat in the toilet

Was

Even without the knowledge that we made it to the end of the day

Without adding to the laundry pile

An unmitigated success

I'm not much of a gypsy

Gypsies are

Probably never sure where they’re heading either

Though I bet they don’t spend a lot of time thinking about it
As they sit around the campfire
Tongue clacking
Hand clapping and
Clicking wooden spoons

Gypsies don’t spend so much time

Thinking

Talking or

Researching on the internet about moving

They actually do it

Why I should write a book

The answers to all of your questions
Either
Aren't all in one book or
Aren't in a book at all
So
Either do a lot of reading or
Write a book

Unconscious Youth

Today

He was back in a sweatshirt and a jacket and

At the same time

Back at the playground

For over an hour

Stubbornly sticking to the idea of an early Spring

Without even realizing it

Peanuts in Context

Today we talked about his peanuts

Twice

Once while changing his diaper and

Once after nap

While he snacked on some trail mix

It really is true

Context is everything

Kinder ... garden

Pink shovel in hand

Dirt is flying everywhere

Winter coat stays clean

Rolling Through

I could only hear every other word

An empty bus isn’t a quiet place

Even if you aren’t sitting up above the wheel

If you are and

You are sharing the bus with twenty or so five and six year olds

Many of whom are shooting at you with their fingers

Well even if your hearing has always been good

You’d need the little boy sitting next to your daughter

To repeat his question

On the third go round

I went with Fred for my answer

I was throwing up my arms in surrender and

Being kicked in the small of the back

So when I heard the word name

That third time

I thought Fred would be a safe answer and

It did make him laugh

Albeit because he was expecting Ford or Buick but

My daughter gave him the right answer and

Sometimes a complete picture needs more than

Words

Every other or

Even all of them

Moving Out

He has his own house

He’s four and he has his own house

He still spends most nights with us

Last night it was because there was a fire at his house

Tonight he came back for dinner

Someday though

He tells me he’s going to move out

After he’s done marrying me

I’m first

Next he’ll marry his mother

Than his sister and

I think that’s when he’ll leave

When they’ll both leave

He seems to be planning for it already

Yesterday he threw a fit because I wouldn’t buy him a garlic press

Today the tears were over a Scott’s Edgeguard Mini Spreader

I told him that when he was ready to seed his lawn he could borrow mine

But he wants his own

Who knows what he’ll need next

Who knows when the day will come

When a granola bar won’t be enough to distract him

When macaroni won’t be enough to keep him home

Worn Out

I am buried in clothing

Purple plaids

Pink fish

Stripes of every color

Even red, white, and blue and

Right now

All of it is size 4

Size 5 is next

With a few size 6 items

Prematurely shrunk or

On the small size to begin with

Waiting on the far right of the coffee table

Just on the other side of a mound of hangers

On this side of the hangers

Where I sit

My lap filled with clothes

Debating with my wife

Whether the Kohl’s blue polka dot dress

With the green 3-d flower looking thing

Should go for four dollars or

Five with a last day half off discount

We decide on four dollars

No discount and

So it goes

She’s asleep and

Now it’s our turn to shed the clothing

One piece at a time and

All at once

What Did I Get Myself Into

Red and yellow kill a fellow

Red and black friend of Jack

I think that’s right

If it is

It’s a lovely little number with a fun rhyme but

How dead is dead and

What kind of a friend is Jack and

What if it isn’t right

What if I’m color blind

What if snakes really aren’t for everybody

These are the questions you hope you ask

Before you buy the snake or

Come face to face with it on some dusty trail or

At least you naively hope

That if you have let the spirit move you

You will have time to figure it out in the moment and

On the fly

That you will see the colors you wanted to see

Whichever colors those are

Unfortunately as

Much as red and black are friends of Jack

So too

Is it true

That it does go by so fast and

That it doesn’t last

Not for this or any other snake and

Not for this fellow

Proving It

He told me he loved me

His head on my shoulder

Then that deep giggle started

The one that sounds like it is coming from his toes and

He rolled his head back

So I could see his eyes twinkle and

His teeth disappear in an

I’m not smiling smile

Then he rolled close again

To squirm and squiggle and

Rub my eyebrows and

Demonstrate the importance of poop as a root word

From there he stood up in front of me

Commenced licking his hand and

Looked back to see what kind of reaction he was getting

I’d said me too

So I suppose now I was being put to the test

What a dime can do

I buy him a 10 cent ball at the thrift store

He smiles

He bounces it for a minute at home and loses it

He stops smiling

In a few weeks someone will find it and give it to him

He will smile

He will bounce it all over the place again

In a minute or an hour or a week he will lose it

He will shed some tears or at least moan a bit

He will smile when again it turns up

And so on

I think it goes to show that a dime can still go pretty far

Another day floats by

On this day

Down came the rain

Never too fast but

Always down and

In and out of it we ran

Never too fast but

Always moving

All morning long

From drop off

To pick up

We talked

Sang

Read and

Were silent

He walked

He was carried

He wore tennis shoes

Brown shoes

No Shoes

I wore boots and

Sandals

We saw bare trees and

Daffodils and

Nothing that resembled an umbrella

He said I love you

So did I

There was a hug or two

A confrontation or two and

Some alphabet crackers

By next week or

Thereabouts

All he’ll remember will be the alphabet crackers

The Old Days

The other night it was

The three of us

Sitting on the couch

Together

Once again

Just like in the old days

Except

That in the old days there were four of us

I suppose I should be thankful I wasn’t the one driven to pissing on everything

It just isn’t time for that yet

I should be thankful that I am sitting here with my wife

Listening to the other cats purr

Mingle with the sounds coming out of the monitors

Out of the monitors and over the

Piles of clothing

Pink, Purple, green, yellow, blue, and red

Adorned with bugs and sheep and polka dots and

Labeled with sizes

Some tagged with price

All just sitting there waiting for something to happen and

Content that it isn’t

Just like the three of us

As we sat on the couch

The other night

Anticipating First Grade

When you are about to leave a job

You pay more attention to the people you will be leaving behind

You make a point to say a few more words than you would normally

You go out to lunch more often

You throw around more complements

More smiles

You may even buy flowers or

Write notes

I have

I knew that things weren’t going to be the same

Which is why I am worried that

With first grade looming out there in August

She hugs me more

More these days than she ever has before

If she takes me to dinner or

Buys me flowers

I’m going to cry

Facebook Birthdays

I wished three people happy birthday yesterday

On Facebook

Two of them I haven’t seen since before I turned eighteen

One now goes by a name I didn’t know she had

All got the same wishes

With some variation in the frequency of exclamation points

It’s not a cake and flowers but

It’s more than I did last year and

If memory and 

Intention and 

Ambition get together

There’s room for additional exclamation points next year and

Maybe …

More!!!!!!

The cycle of life is pretty cheap

My son was very excited that a quarter I gave him was worth twenty five cents

Twenty five cents

Twenty five cents!

He repeated it a few times

With varying levels of enthusiasm

But always with enthusiasm and

Not any less than he has shown when told

How many cents it took to buy a muffin or

The car or

Whatever else he asks about

It was his quarter

A quarter he later deposited in his bank

Where I can later find it

When I need one or two or

More

For a parking meter or

A shopping cart at the grocery store

Later I pay him back and

He is excited

Twenty five cents

Twenty five cents!

Trailblazing

We should have felt like trailblazers

When the

Basketballs

Tennis balls and

Racquets

Even a miniature football

All came out

Along with us and

The sixty degree weather

On this fine Wednesday

Near the end of February

We should have but

That’s just not the way it works for me

Even if I show up at the school fifteen minutes early

I’m still not the first car in line for pick up and

Even before this Wednesday happened

I knew I was already

A step or

Two or

Two months worth of steps

Behind

There was no denying it

Not in the emerging yellow glow of the

Daffodils and

As we watched one ball after the other

Roll down the street or

Fly over the house

There wasn’t time

For denial or

Trailblazing

Plated Progeny and Weak Stomachs

My son’s pet turtle has burn-heart

Just like his granddad

(That’s me)

I have a whole passel of grandchildren

Including dolls of at least four races

One with legs hanging on by a thread

Two sheep and

A poodle her mother insists is a cat

Whose name is Juice and

Rides around in her own matching purse

But only one

The one who is supposed to have a hard outside

Has my flawed insides

He can’t have wine or chocolate

Just like me and

His dad has been worrying about his burn heart a lot

These past few days

It makes me a proud patriarch

A content patriarch

As long as my grandson twixt two plates

Stays away from my almond milk

The Road Already Taken

Two roads diverged in a wood and

I went back the way I came

Leaving both for another day

It doesn’t have quite the same ring

Does it but

It has a pull

The attraction of the familiar or

The unfinished

A yearning to fill in the picture

To know the details

Completeness

Comfort

Belonging

The attraction of that cozy little nook

You always studied in

In your college’s library

Don’t tell me you haven’t wished you could go back there and read a book

I have and

The truth that Frost left out

Is that you can

Lakes Don't Grow Old

You can’t skip stones forever

Even if you find the perfect lake

With not a ripple on its surface and

A beach loaded with smooth flat stones

You will get hungry

It will get cold or buggy or dark

You will be called to do something else or

You simply won’t be able to conjure up double digit skips

Arms do get sore

Minds do wander

Anything can become monotonous

More challenge than reward but

You can at least be sure

That while skipping stones

No matter how rough the water gets

It will never get up and walk away

Leaving you alone

Quiet

It’s quiet

It’s nap time and it’s quiet and

It’s taken me almost twenty minutes to realize

That it’s quiet

The three year old is asleep

That’s still normal

The five year old is also asleep

That was normal

Two years ago

Now

It probably means she’s sick

Me

I’m sitting her e

Debating whether I should include

An allusion to the stunning of pigs prior to slaughter

It’s quiet all right

Unnaturally quiet

Way too quiet

First Impressions

Today I brushed my teeth

With my sleek new electric toothbrush

At eleven at night

Standing in the tub

With a bath towel over my head

I can tell you that

I have been brushing with the old school toothbrush at night

For weeks

To avoid waking up my wife and

That tonight I really wanted to use my new toothbrush and

I wasn’t quick enough to think about just bringing it with me into the office

I can tell you a lot of things but

No matter what I say

You will still be picturing me

In the bathtub

Towel over my head

Brushing my teeth

True Love, Father Son Style

He wants to watch a video

His sister mentioned the word video and

Now he wants to watch a video and

He wants to make sure that I know he wants to watch a video so

He tells me he wants to watch a video

Over and over

Sometimes talking

Sometimes screaming

Sometimes chanting

I keep Explaining to him why we can’t watch a video and

Urging him to help us with the puzzle and

Eventually he does

A little but

He doesn’t stop talking about the video

Until it’s time for dinner and

He wants macaroni and cheese

This time I give him what he wants

Spooning it immediately onto his plate and

Relishing the moment

Buttons and Connections

I button his shirt

A blue denim shirt

With marbled tan and brown buttons

One button at a time

From the top down

Kneeling behind and

Reaching over and around him

As if I was buttoning my own shirt

Often I button his shirts while kneeling in front of him

Maintaining eye contact

Smiling and

That connection is awesome but

As he leans back into me and

My fingers move up from one button to the next

In the way they are most accustomed

I’m still smiling

All the way through

From the bottom to the top

In Search of Fleeting Flakes

An afternoon walk

Of muddy puddle splashing

Beyond morning snow  

Five is Fleeting

When I walked in the room

She was lying on her bed

Legs up in the air

Bouncing

As if she was riding an imaginary horse

Upside down

Very fast

Apparently she was giving birth

I’d heard that it happens fast

One moment you’re watching them put on footie pajamas and

The next moment you’re a grandparent

I wasn’t banking on a ten minute transition but

I guess they were right

Maybe I should stay in her room

Thursday

Is it Thursday

Already

Almost Friday

And it’s 10:29

Make that 10:30

Make that 10:31

And now I’m only

Waiting

Watching

For the little numbers at the bottom of my computer screen to change

And change they do

10:32

That was a minute I made much better use of

But it will probably be closer to 10:40 when inspiration strikes again

If it does strike again

Today

There are only two hours or so left

10:34

10:35

And where did 10:33 go

What about Wednesday

What about 2009

I guess I shouldn’t wonder about such things

10:36

I guess I should just be thankful

That I am here now

And that I know that

It is 10:37

On Februrary the 9^th of 2012

A Thursday

Princesses and Flowers

Princesses

Picking flowers and

Giving them to other princesses

Keeping some

Sunflowers

Violets

Daisies

Geraniums

Daffodils

Royalty 

Written and typed by Seren and her dad

Divergence

I would like to feel as if I was at the spot

Where two roads diverged in a wood

Currently it appears as if I am at the spot

Where somewhere between

Fourteen and

Thirty five

Roads

Diverge and

I’m nowhere near a wood

So there is no listening to birds or

Studying foliage

Whilst

I ponder

Whether any of the roads wants wear and

The speed at which the roads are multiplying and

Whether I would recognize two roads as clearly as I see

The difference choosing one or the other might make

Remote Control Smile

My son has a remote control

That magically changes the imaginary boat you are on

Into another kind of imaginary boat

It also turns the boat on and off and

Controls wave height

Cloud formation

Nautical traffic patterns

Proximity to sharks and

The location of the sun

It doesn’t

Make noises

Illuminate in any way or

Turn off or on any kind of electronic apparatus

It has no batteries

In my hands it does nothing

In his

It makes us both

Smile

Perspective

There is an almond in my cookie

A small almond

In a big cookie but

When you add it together with

My son’s almond and

My daughter’s almond and

The almond from the other big cookie I ate and

A handful of almonds I grabbed out of the bag

You might conclude

I ate a little cookie with my almonds

Taste

When I inadvertently place my thumb on my lip

I find it to be wet

I smell it

I instantly recognize the smell of cat food

Which

Since I feed my geriatric cat

Many small portions

Particularly at night

When

For some reason

He is ravenous and

It is five minutes to eleven

Is unsurprising and

Still disgusting

Yet I don’t taste anything

I can still smell it on my thumb

I suppose if I really worked at it

If I licked my thumb the way my son did today

Maybe even initially pretending it is chocolate

From a chocolate covered pretzel

That my father purchased for me

As a treat

Because we missed my class

To drop off his friend at the train station

Then it wouldn’t be inadvertent and

I would taste it and

It wouldn’t taste like chocolate

Expectations

This winter it hasn’t been very cold

There hasn’t been much in the way of

Icicles

Snowmen

Snow angels

Or Snow

And yet

As I have explained to my three year old son

A few times more than once

It is still

Winter

Inventing Friends

My son is inventing friends

Who break things

That aren’t broken

Last week

There was the older boy who broke his toy train and

Yesterday

There was a little girl

Who broke the baseboard heater in his room

After she broke it

He took her home in the car

Maybe he feels bad

About the pile of broken things on my workbench and

Is confident that

Even daddy

Can fix broken things that aren’t really broken

Maybe he likes a happy ending

Maybe he just needs to get out more

Avocado

Chopping avocado
Incognito
As she talks
As we talk
I cut and
She still hasn't noticed
I might just get the whole avocado in the salad before she does
Before she sees
The avocado that she asked to have some of
Not ten minutes earlier
I might but
She's telling her story and
I'm chopping avocado and
Listening

A Bigger Boat

He refuses to pee in anything but his diaper and

A very small plastic sailboat

If the promise of

Stickers

Candy

Toys

Telescopes and

Hermit crabs

Continue to fall short

We may need to consider

Sanctions or

Force or

We might just need a bigger boat

In Her Room

My daughter has a moon in her room

Battery powered

Capable of showing all the phases

Mounted to her wall and

Now

After a year

We have paired it with a calendar of the moon’s phases

So that each night we can set the moon

To look just like it does outside

I have been threatening to do this for some time and

Every time I mentioned it

My daughter would say

Daddy

Why don’t we just look outside

Tonight

Lying in her bed

The moon in her room just starting to show again

The stars glowing on her ceiling and

All the recognized planets glowing and

Hanging over her bed

She asked me if we could go outside

To double check

She’s also wants me to show her

Why Pluto is no longer a planet

Maybe

It’s time to start camping

Unintentional Proof

It is eleven thirty at night when I see

Two cups in the freezer

One full of only water

Frozen solid

One full of salt water

Equally frozen and

I wonder if this is the hypothesis I was hoping to prove

When I placed the cups there

To much fanfare among the five and under set

Seven hours ago

Scientific Exploration

Snowflakes have six sides

If you want to see for yourself

Get a reliable forecast of snow and

Put a piece of black construction paper in the freezer and

Wait until something actually starts to fall

Until it just starts to fall

Then run out there with your piece of paper and

A kid

Without a kid you're just a weirdo standing outside with a piece of paper

With a kid

Find a flat surface and set down your piece of paper and

You will be able to confirm that

Snowflakes have six sides and

That they have rather short lives and

That for some reason

Each of us must learn that for ourselves

Brain Squeeze

They say a brain is like a sponge and

I guess it is more a sponge than a castle

Most do seem to have a maximum holding capacity and

Not much more than the illusion of impenetrability but

Have you ever tried to squeeze yours out to make room

Has your brain ever dried out

Grown mold

I can't speak for anyone else but

I think I'd rather think of my brain as a beach

Sometimes built up

Sometimes washed away

Often littered with who knows what

From who knows where

At the mercy of

The phases of the moon and

The whims of weather and fisherman

They can say all they want about sponges

But I'll take wind and rain over a giant disembodied hand

I'll take it and

I'll think it

Until someone squeezes it out

The Winter Refrain

Shovel

Sweep

Wait

Repeat

Not Yet

It’s January 20^th

Almost January 21^st and

The rumor of snow is swirling in the air

Not the real stuff though

Not yet

Not yet has been the refrain all winter

Not yet is what I told my daffodils

When I first saw them

More than two weeks ago

Not yet

Never yet and

Yet

I might be through with not yet

That and dance clubs and

Board books

I’m starting to hear whispers of not at all

I was starting to be OK with daffodils in January

In a mild

Wet

Winter

With nothing but sun and rain in the ten day forecast

But suddenly

The rumor of 1-3 inches

Is in the air but

Followed by a wintry mix and

Temperatures in the fifties and

January 21^st is still almost hear and

I’m still waiting for it

Not yet ready for it or

The 22^nd or

23^rd or

24^th either

Maybe next month

On the 2oth or

21^st or

29th

I will be

Flying

Flying

Her

Off the end of the balance beam

Him

A plastic plane up my back

That is just right now

Another moment

It may be a little helicopter with life like moving blades or

A stuffed turtle off the stairs or

One of the two of them

Off the couch or

The bed or

A table

Flying

Always

Everything is flying

Falling

Until

It's not

Me and Thomas

The Railroad tracks form an oval shaped ring around the coffee table

Thomas is still

Silent

Just staring out from behind a table leg

Straight ahead

Smiling

Unconcerned by his lack of motion

The curve he is about to be thrown

When the power goes back on or

The lack of real options ahead and

Sitting there

Feet on the coffee table

Writing this down

I am envious

Shopping in the rain in January

He’s crouching inside the cart

She’s up against it in my shadow

We’re a mass of umbrellas and winter coats

Contentment is

Contentment is

Heading into the kitchen

To get

More cereal for number two

More milk for number two and

Still more milk for number two

Cereal for number one

More milk for number one

Water for number two

Orange juice for number two

Napkins for number one and

Not feeling silly or used

Contentment is not an every moment or

Everyday thing

But often it has curly hair and

Sometimes it has an impish smile and

Says poopie

And says it a lot and

Sometimes it even lasts through lunch

Parental Guilt -or- Why I take Quick Showers

For half an hour or so every morning

My kids sit

Or stand

Silently

And nearly motionless

On the couch

While

Dinosaurs

Monkeys and

Talking cats wearing hats

Sing

Dance

Perform and

Even hypothesize

Leaving little room for anyone else to do much more than sit

Someone is Watching

I took a day off of laundry

Leaving the drying rack up

So that tomorrow I could pick up where I left off but

She beat me to it

Festooning the rack with

Pirated newborn onesies

Bandanas

Wash cloths and

Doll clothes

Some on doll hangers

Pans filled with wooden vegetables on the floor of the kitchen

Fairy boxes filled with expired coupons

Dollies strapped into car seats laboriously placed all over the car

Stuffed sheep in timeout and

Now miniature clothes

Neatly spaced and

Carefully hung

Surely

Someone is watching

Trouble in the Chinese New Year

It’s almost time for the Chinese New Year and

We’re in trouble

Pan fried fish means that luck is coming

I have gastrointestinal reflux disease and am avoiding fried foods

So it doesn’t help that fried rice symbolizes harmony and plenty

Chinese cabbage represents wealth

I’m avoiding cabbage too

Pork brings wealth

We don’t eat the other white meat

Duck represents happiness

If I could take the complaining I could be happy

My son would be in trouble

Of course he would miss out on

Good luck and good fortune (steamed buns)

Wealth and abundance (shrimp)

Surplus (sweet and sour fish)

Profit and good omens (Clams)

The fulfillment of wishes (mandarin cakes)

I don’t know what a Mandarin cake is but I’m sure he wouldn’t eat it

A sweet new year (puffed rice cakes) and

A happy new year (seaweed)

The only thing we can hope to enjoy as a family in the new year

Is an offering for the Kitchen God

Since that comes is associated with candy

So happy new year and

Here you go Kitchen God

Christmas Lights

We have left our Christmas lights up longer this year

We’re more than a week into January and

Still every night

I send the kids to the front door

While I head out back to plug in the lights and

Then race back inside to get the thumbs up

Last January

When I took the lights down

All on my own

I was rewarded with tears

This January

There is no snow

No snowmen

No snow angels

No sledding in the snow

There hasn’t been a hint of snow since Halloween but

The lights still go on every night to cheers

The presents are opened

Jesus is born

The shepherds and the wise men are gone

Jesus is gone

The lights are still one

I might leave them on until February

Greener Grass

I’m in front of my computer

With my eyes closed

Picturing myself somewhere else

Specifically

Sitting criss cross applesauce

In the middle of an empty stretch of blacktop

Stretching straight out in either direction to the horizon

Floating an inch or two off the blacktop

Floating because I need to be centered but

The yellow line looks so bright

That I wouldn’t want to sit on it

For fear that it was newly painted

Floating so as to avoid having tumbleweeds stuck in my ass

Floating because otherwise

The chair I’m sitting in is more comfortable and

I don’t have a smart phone yet

The Here and Now

I choose a piece of fruit

I eat it

I go back to what I was doing

The whole process takes about ten seconds

I barely remember eating the banana

Apple

Pear

Bunch of grapes or

Dried persimmon

So sometimes

After a productive pause two

I’ll take another fruit break

Occasionally I eat until I don’t feel good

Today

I started in on a banana

Right after dinner

A big dinner

Then I stopped

Took a few more bites

As I checked e-mail and

Set what was left aside

That was an hour or so ago

It was right where I left it until a few minutes ago

When

After reading

Singing and

Blowing kisses to my son

As I do every other day when I put him down

I finished it off in a few bites

I may have even tasted it this time

Then I sat down and write this

Which is where I am right now

Where I’ll choose to be for at least a few more minutes

It continues

Coats hats gloves and scarves

Hiding us from the cold air

Trees out on the curb

Hopping Glad

He jumps

And talks

At the same time

Not every time

But at least once a day

For a short time

And often

But not every time

I jump

And talk

With him

He tells a story

Face full of a smile

And feet off the ground

I listen

Smiling

With my feet off the ground

How could I not

How could I sit and listen dispassionately with my feet flat on the ground

Every time

Any time

He jumps

So do I

Because it will only be this way

For a short time

Babies have it almost right

Babies have it almost right

It is all about the box

But it’s not about the opened box

Just as the best moment of a football game doesn’t come after the final whistle

But just before the coin goes into the air

After someone has called heads

Or tails

And has taken a break from breathing

Just as one does

Whilst staring at a box sitting just a few inches away

Full

Closed

Wrapped and

Ribboned and bowed

But you have to open a lot of gifts

To reach the place where you are ready

To give full credit to the unopened box

Which is why

Babies have it almost right

Poopy

Everything is poopy

Coats are poopy

Socks are poopy

Matchbox cars are poopy

Poopy is a popular lyric in Christmas songs and

Popular songs and

The alphabet song and

Poopy is served for dinner and

Breakfast and

Lunch

Quite often I too am poopy

Life is poopy

Funny is poopy and

For a three year old

Poopy is funny

An Inch Away

She is about an inch away

Big old smile across most of her face

Eyes barely open

I doubt she can see but

I’m holding her five feet up in the air

So she probably doesn’t have to

She doesn’t have to smile either but

She is

Her face is full of it

If her eyes were open enough so that you could tell

You could see it there too

I can see it everywhere but

I can’t look at it for too long

It’s just too much

Too close

Too real

Too random and

Gone too fast but

What can you do exceptt smile back

When it’s right there

Only an inch away

A Perfect Night

A ride in a horse drawn wagon

While eating fifty cent cupcakes and

Twelve and a half cent chocolate chip cookies

Christmas carols and above freezing temperatures

A photo with Santa Claus

Complete with two happy children

Only partial parental intrusion and

A Candy cane

Not eaten but only licked through the plastic

Just minor tantrums upon arriving home past bedtime and

Through it all a full moon

Illuminating a perfect night and

All of its flaws